How to deal with Panic Attacks, Anxiety as a Remote Tech Worker.
It’s been a year since my nightmare began, and now I’m ready to write this story. A story about me. About how I fell down and how I got back up. About how someone's life can be destroyed in seconds. A story about how your own mind can become your worst enemy.
I'm Junior, a 26-year-old man who loves hiking, the gym, dancing, and computers. I've been working as a software engineer from a small town in Ecuador for companies in the United States. I remember my first day as a software engineer, full of happiness, full of expectations, full of dreams. As a mechanical engineer recently graduated who switched to software, this job felt like a dream.
In Ecuador, being a mechanical engineer is not a bad career, but it comes with sacrifices. The jobs usually require moving to a big city or working near oil companies in the Amazon. The working hours are often rotational, like:
- 30 days on, then one week off
- 30 days switching between day and night shifts, then fifteen days off
These are just examples. Not all jobs follow this, but they give you an idea.
Before I graduated, I started thinking about those scenarios. I decided to switch careers because I'm a family-centered man. I love my parents and brothers. I like to stay close to them. So working from home, staying near my family, and making money sounded perfect.
What a job. Sometimes amazing, sometimes not. But thankfully, I was able to switch and start my new career.
First of all, I don't regret any of my decisions. But during this process, which has not been easy, I started struggling with my mental health. I decided to write this article to help the community or anyone who may be going through something similar. I hope it brings clarity and support.
My First Panic
I still don’t know exactly which moment was my first panic attack, but I have some ideas.
- During COVID-19, when I coughed blood. It turned out I was just coughing too hard. It was a regular flu.
- During a gym workout when I felt numbness in my hand. That was carpal tunnel syndrome.
- After a hike where I had to stay in a cave with many tourists due to a rising river.
- At the gym when I thought I couldn’t breathe, but it was just my rhinitis.
The last three happened during the last quarter of 2024. The strange thing is that I never felt anxiety or panic in those situations. I discovered that later in therapy. I didn't recognize them as threats in the moment.
What I clearly remember was being at the gym, feeling relaxed, and suddenly not being able to breathe. Someone told me my face was pale. I got really scared.
The Triggers
After that moment, I thought I was going to die. But I didn’t. I kept waking up every day, still alive. It felt cruel. I’m joking, of course.
I felt desperate. I started looking for doctors, treatments, even other careers. But nothing seemed to help. A part of me thought it might be anxiety. Another part refused to believe it. I was working out. I was doing everything to stay well. Anxiety didn’t fit into that picture. In my mind, I was doing everything right.
I felt terrible. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get back to the gym or feel like myself. That destroyed me. I didn’t know what to do. I stopped eating, felt depressed, and was constantly anxious.
I was still able to do my job, but only the bare minimum. I completed tasks quickly, then went straight back to bed.
One friend told me, maybe therapy could help. He said, go see this doctor. If he tells you you're fine, then call this therapist. She’s the one I go to.
Insight 1: If you’re a remote worker, don’t look for a remote therapist.
I did call her, but only after my body gave me some “gifts,” as in panic attacks:
- Chest pressure
- Extreme tachycardia
- Shortness of breath
- Dry mouth
- Cold hands
- And other symptoms that kept changing
Because I’m stubborn, I waited too long. I thought I could solve it alone. But I couldn’t. The remote therapist helped for a while, but something still didn’t feel right. So I switched to in-person sessions.
It’s amazing how the nervous system reacts. When it's out of balance, anything can trigger fight-or-flight: a word, a sound, something you read, a scene on TV, a social media post. For example, one of my triggers was air conditioning. My brain connected that cold feeling with the cave where I had been trapped during the hike.
The Treatments
Not everyone reacts the same to treatment. It depends on the person's nervous system. Mine has been slow to reset. This is not medical advice. I’m just sharing what worked for me during my recovery.
The psychiatrist gave me medication, but after noticing how my body reacted, I decided to stop. I wanted to overcome this in my own way, and maybe that’s why it took longer.
What worked for me:
- Taking things calmly. Everyone heals at their own pace.
- Practicing yoga twice a week to learn how to breathe properly.
- Journaling every day, writing down key thoughts and accomplishments.
- Practicing gratitude before going to bed.
- Training my brain to stop creating fear-based thoughts, as my therapist says.
- Identifying my triggers. I had two traumatic moments, one at the gym and one in the mountains. Slowly, I returned to the gym. For the mountain trauma, my therapist recommended the Wim Hof method. I didn’t do cold plunges, but I did take cold showers. It helped a lot in resetting my nervous system and stimulating the vagus nerve.
- Reconnecting with my spiritual side. I started praying more and going to church again.
Conclusion
Anxiety is not just a disease. I think overcoming it requires commitment to yourself and a willingness to grow. This experience taught me that things can always get worse, but I have to get up anyway. Even with fear, I must keep moving. The best way to deal with anxiety is to face your fears.
I’m proud of myself. I stopped the storm. I went back to the gym. I completed an 8km hike to reach a beautiful waterfall. When I got there, I felt proud. The monsters I feared were just creations of my brain. They were never real.
So if you’re going through something like this, wake up. You’re not alone. I’m with you. And may the force be with you as well.